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Everyone Gets Plans…Even Me

October 31, 2009

“I found myself in the one who made me. The one that knows who I really am. Behind everything I hide, he knows exactly what makes me tick. He knows more about me then I’ll ever think about, he knew me before I had a name. He sees everything… and still has a plan for me.” [original source here]

These few simple lines sliced into the center of me when I read them.

In many ways, I think the incredibly deep-set desire to be known is what forms much of the base of my longings. I want so desperately to be known, to be loved, to be appreciated, to be pursued. And the funny thing is I serve a God who knows me, who loves me, who appreciates me, and who pursues me — and I forget it all the time.

It’s like I think He must still be getting to know me and once He really gets to the core, He’ll run because others have run. Once He really knows me, He won’t want to love me anymore. Once He knows that I want something, He won’t give it to me because I’ve made the mistake of wanting it too much. I exhaust myself with running around in circles, trying to please God, when all He wants to do is love me and I mostly refuse to let Him.

Because loving me means that He chose me…and choosing me means He could also choose to reject me later on. He could choose to say that I’m not enough. He could choose to stop loving me because I’m too much work.

And the blasted stupid thing is that I know none of that will happen. I am absolutely, 1,000% guaranteed that He will never leave me or stop loving me.

Yet I choose to fight with Him, insisting that I’m not good enough for Him to love me yet. I choose not to believe in His plans for me because I think He’s somehow secretly trying to punish me for not being The Most Devout Christian in the World.

Here’s a secret:
God doesn’t love me because I’m a Christian.

God loves me because, before I was formed in the womb, before I was even two cells, before I had hair or fingernails or thoughts or a religious preference, I was His, I am His.

My friend Charity told me the other day that God was proud to have me as His daughter. I didn’t realize it, but I had been needing to hear that for a long time.

“He sees everything…and still has a plan for me.”

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 17, 2010 12:55 am

    Wow. Inspiring post. Yeah, God loves us.. no ifs, no buts. He loves us. Period. 🙂

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